Behind The Scenes

Don’t ask me why I chose this title. Every time I watch a movie I go on YouTube and search for the behind the scenes. Why? Simple, I almost believe everything in the movie, but the behind the scenes remind me IT IS JUST A MOVIE ANGELA! My life is a reality only behind the scenes because the reality of every life is real behind scenes on scene it is just a life worth living for.

November 11, 2015 at 7:01 am I was told that the man that I looked up to all my life had just died. Many questions popped inside my head even before I shed any tear. The question that still pops up in my head even today is ‘NOW WHAT?’ Truthfully, I wished that somebody answered me this question that very day but the truth is only I could answer that question. The answer is just vague- move forward and don’t look back. But never have I ever been able to put this answer in practice. The only face I want to see and my only wish right now is to be able to see my father’s smile when I tell him I am going to the US tour.

I wake up every morning even when I don’t want to and go to school and laugh and smile but truth is behind the scenes I am broken. Today six months and one day have passed without my father in my life, now this is the only thing I really wanted to share. “You have to stay strong everyone told me” I wish everyone knew how that phrase pisses me off, I mean of course I will be strong it is the only option I have, right?

Yesterday as I sat in the back seat of a cab stuck in the traffic jam with my young sister I remembered that day when I was announced the news. I held my head up and looked around me holding back the tears; do you know what I saw? A thousand faces none with a smile. And I wondered if they were like this all day. Truth is the way I felt like in the back of the cab is not the way I felt all day and I knew that this feeling was there the moment I put my feet out of my bed but I decide to ignore it.

I imagined all these people with smiling faces but would they actually mean these smiles. My happiness has faded honestly, but every time I sit on a table with my mother, three siblings, I realize that everyone writes their own story and my happiness should never base on what I had but what I still have and what i’m striving to have. My life is a reality when I open my mouth and talk and this, iDebate has given it to me.

Sitting on a round table on a Saturday afternoon with my team I realized that the life that is worth living is the one behind scenes not the one on camera. Will I say this even when I get knocked by a bigger truck? I doubt, but the life on camera is just not real.

We will live, they will hate it but we will live. So get up and live your life.

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